Ocean Wolff
DR: Can you talk about your relationship to gender?
OW: I think the gender binary is a lie and a social construct that we’re forced to interact with daily. For me personally, I don’t really feel like I have a fixed gender. I was assigned female at birth but raised in a family that spoke about gender being a social construct, so I had that theory. But it was only in my later life that I took steps to unpack what that meant for me – what direction I could take towards my own self-actualisation.
About a year and a half ago, I came out as non-binary and then shortly after as trans masculine and I’ve started taking testosterone. Once I first started recognising that I didn’t align with my assigned gender it became a big snowballing unravelling, which took me on a journey towards finding how I do align in terms of gender.
My journey of unpacking has been about understanding what femininity and masculinity mean, and how I can hold them both and still develop into my most comfortable self … Stepping back from what I might be perceived as in society and being less concerned about the stereotypes and roles that are perpetuated or enforced by other people. Just holding what is true for me. When I first came out as non-binary to myself and to my friends and family, it was very shocking going into the world and experiencing how gendered every single thing is. How many times I get gendered every day, how literally everything in the world is gendered
in a really binary way.
DR: Can you tell me a bit about that journey?
OW: Yeah, it’s been a really interesting journey. I am learning a lot about myself and the world I live in. I’ve started hormones and I’m physically changing, so trying to find where I fit in public spaces is tricky. Like deciding which bathroom to go to is really challenging. I don’t believe there should even be gendered bathrooms. I was still using the female bathrooms and then people yelled at me for being in the wrong bathroom. But then going to male bathrooms is like navigating a new space.
In town, someone was saying, ‘What are you doing in here? Are there no male bathrooms? Blah, blah, blah.’ I didn’t really know what to say. It’s ironic because I guess they are saying something because they feel threatened by a masculine presence in their bathroom, but in fact they are the threatening ones. I don’t feel safe to use public bathrooms because of people like this. I’m not the threat. They are themselves the threat in that situation.
So, if I’m wearing a hat and a mask, I usually use the men’s bathroom, but I don’t find it to be a very nice space. Or if I’m with female identifying friends, I would just use the women’s toilet with them. But generally, I try and avoid it altogether.
DR: How does gendered language impact you?
OW: I found gendered language very jarring at first. After accepting my own identity as non-binary, every time I’d go into the world I’d be called a girl or a lady. Now it depends on what sort of space I’m in. I walk into a female toilet, and someone says, ‘Hey man, what are you doing in here,’ but that same day I could walk into a shop and someone says, ‘Hi ma’am, how can I help you?’ And I look just the same. It’s just that people perceive me differently in whatever context, I guess.
I found coming out as trans non-binary hard because I didn’t quite have the language to explain what I was trying to say. Which is another reason why I’m doing this interview, because it’s like a year later now and I think it’s a good exercise in being able to form my thoughts and try and translate how I feel about my experience.
DR: What are the most positive aspects of your experience of transitioning?
OW: I feel comfortable in myself and in my body. I’m very sure of myself and feel like I’m living as my true self. I can be proud of taking that step towards my own self-discovery. Observing the changes from taking hormones has been a very rewarding experience. It feels both slow and quite fast at the same time. Watching my body and my face change and my voice get lower, my muscles get bigger, hair growing in new places. And my feet grew half a size. Every day, I feel great really, which is cool.
DR: What should we be teaching queer kids?
OW: Encouragement. I would encourage people to do whatever they need to feel comfortable and confident about who they are.
I think it’s important for queer and trans bodies to be represented. There’s not much representation and I don’t think there’s much transmasculine representation in the media and society. I would like to, as part of this project, be proud of my trans body. And I guess the process of transitioning is, for me, about loving my body every part of the way, not looking
for any particular goal, just accepting myself as I go. Doing what I can to continue aligning with how I feel. I go to the gym a lot and that’s been very helpful.
DR: What’s the gym like as a space for a trans person?
OW: I wasn’t on testosterone when I started there, and I’ve been on testosterone for a year now. I’ve been going to the same gym for a couple of years so people will watch
me change during that time. It feels very visiblein a small town, transitioning. That was a hard thing to accept at the start. Just feeling very much on stage. But I just do my own thing.
I use trans tape to bind my chest. I was at the gym and I had a more sheer top on and I noticed in the mirrors that I could see the tape. For a moment I was thinking, ‘Oh no!’ I just felt very visible, and then I thought, ‘Well, I don’t really care what anyone else thinks.’ If I saw someone wearing trans tape in the gym I’d feel really excited and happy. So that would be the best-case scenario. In the worst-case scenario, if they don’t like it or they’re uncomfortable, that is irrelevant to me.
OW: I think the gender binary is a lie and a social construct that we’re forced to interact with daily. For me personally, I don’t really feel like I have a fixed gender. I was assigned female at birth but raised in a family that spoke about gender being a social construct, so I had that theory. But it was only in my later life that I took steps to unpack what that meant for me – what direction I could take towards my own self-actualisation.
About a year and a half ago, I came out as non-binary and then shortly after as trans masculine and I’ve started taking testosterone. Once I first started recognising that I didn’t align with my assigned gender it became a big snowballing unravelling, which took me on a journey towards finding how I do align in terms of gender.
My journey of unpacking has been about understanding what femininity and masculinity mean, and how I can hold them both and still develop into my most comfortable self … Stepping back from what I might be perceived as in society and being less concerned about the stereotypes and roles that are perpetuated or enforced by other people. Just holding what is true for me. When I first came out as non-binary to myself and to my friends and family, it was very shocking going into the world and experiencing how gendered every single thing is. How many times I get gendered every day, how literally everything in the world is gendered
in a really binary way.
DR: Can you tell me a bit about that journey?
OW: Yeah, it’s been a really interesting journey. I am learning a lot about myself and the world I live in. I’ve started hormones and I’m physically changing, so trying to find where I fit in public spaces is tricky. Like deciding which bathroom to go to is really challenging. I don’t believe there should even be gendered bathrooms. I was still using the female bathrooms and then people yelled at me for being in the wrong bathroom. But then going to male bathrooms is like navigating a new space.
In town, someone was saying, ‘What are you doing in here? Are there no male bathrooms? Blah, blah, blah.’ I didn’t really know what to say. It’s ironic because I guess they are saying something because they feel threatened by a masculine presence in their bathroom, but in fact they are the threatening ones. I don’t feel safe to use public bathrooms because of people like this. I’m not the threat. They are themselves the threat in that situation.
So, if I’m wearing a hat and a mask, I usually use the men’s bathroom, but I don’t find it to be a very nice space. Or if I’m with female identifying friends, I would just use the women’s toilet with them. But generally, I try and avoid it altogether.
DR: How does gendered language impact you?
OW: I found gendered language very jarring at first. After accepting my own identity as non-binary, every time I’d go into the world I’d be called a girl or a lady. Now it depends on what sort of space I’m in. I walk into a female toilet, and someone says, ‘Hey man, what are you doing in here,’ but that same day I could walk into a shop and someone says, ‘Hi ma’am, how can I help you?’ And I look just the same. It’s just that people perceive me differently in whatever context, I guess.
I found coming out as trans non-binary hard because I didn’t quite have the language to explain what I was trying to say. Which is another reason why I’m doing this interview, because it’s like a year later now and I think it’s a good exercise in being able to form my thoughts and try and translate how I feel about my experience.
DR: What are the most positive aspects of your experience of transitioning?
OW: I feel comfortable in myself and in my body. I’m very sure of myself and feel like I’m living as my true self. I can be proud of taking that step towards my own self-discovery. Observing the changes from taking hormones has been a very rewarding experience. It feels both slow and quite fast at the same time. Watching my body and my face change and my voice get lower, my muscles get bigger, hair growing in new places. And my feet grew half a size. Every day, I feel great really, which is cool.
DR: What should we be teaching queer kids?
OW: Encouragement. I would encourage people to do whatever they need to feel comfortable and confident about who they are.
I think it’s important for queer and trans bodies to be represented. There’s not much representation and I don’t think there’s much transmasculine representation in the media and society. I would like to, as part of this project, be proud of my trans body. And I guess the process of transitioning is, for me, about loving my body every part of the way, not looking
for any particular goal, just accepting myself as I go. Doing what I can to continue aligning with how I feel. I go to the gym a lot and that’s been very helpful.
DR: What’s the gym like as a space for a trans person?
OW: I wasn’t on testosterone when I started there, and I’ve been on testosterone for a year now. I’ve been going to the same gym for a couple of years so people will watch
me change during that time. It feels very visiblein a small town, transitioning. That was a hard thing to accept at the start. Just feeling very much on stage. But I just do my own thing.
I use trans tape to bind my chest. I was at the gym and I had a more sheer top on and I noticed in the mirrors that I could see the tape. For a moment I was thinking, ‘Oh no!’ I just felt very visible, and then I thought, ‘Well, I don’t really care what anyone else thinks.’ If I saw someone wearing trans tape in the gym I’d feel really excited and happy. So that would be the best-case scenario. In the worst-case scenario, if they don’t like it or they’re uncomfortable, that is irrelevant to me.